tässä on kappale joka on inspiroinut minua flawlessin alusta alkaen ja jonka jostain syystä kuvittelen aina prologiin.
Chapter Twenty-six
“Fera!” I shrieked, but my yell was subsided by the rush of water which only got louder by the second. The surface was like liquid gold and I saw nowhere under. It was still as glass, without bubbling, wavering, like Fera didn’t breathe…
He didn’t breathe.
The surface broke and a golden figure emerged from the water, his ears and nose locked, mouth zipped still. Fera opened his eyes, and they were completely free of harm.
“Spit it out,” I commanded, fighting the urge to knock him down again. “Spit it out, you forsaken idiot!”
But Fera only parted his lips, a dry puff of air warming my face.
But Fera only parted his lips, a dry puff of air warming my face.
“Don’t say you just fell into the fountain for fun,” my face was chalk-white. Fera stayed silent. He was still up to his lap in the fountain water. “You did?”
And then I surged at him, my hands grabbing his neck and shaking him throughout. “Why? Mein Gott, ich hasse dich!”
“You what?”
“I hate you,” I said, but my tone resembled a laugh. “I hate you. Why did you do that?”
“I hate you,” I said, but my tone resembled a laugh. “I hate you. Why did you do that?”
Fera smiled through the golden rain. “There was nothing concrete we found of the darkness city, don’t you remember? We only took with us the darkness we had. Now I poured it into the fountain.”
I didn’t know could it have a visible effect, but the water definitely hadn’t changed color. “You seriously had to do it so… suddenly? Even though you might survive well underwater, not everyone does. If I would have followed you, I could have died.”
“But you did not,” Fera said. “Help me up.”
I didn’t know could it have a visible effect, but the water definitely hadn’t changed color. “You seriously had to do it so… suddenly? Even though you might survive well underwater, not everyone does. If I would have followed you, I could have died.”
“But you did not,” Fera said. “Help me up.”
My jaw dropped, but I offered my arms. Fera jumped out of the fountain, shaking the water off his soaked clothes like he was a wet dog. “The sun has risen. It will dry me up.”
Fera was correct. Without me really noticing the sky had turned from cobalt to the powder blue of dawn, and the sun shone on our backs. That was the moment I understood how unbelievably tired I was despite the constant sleep the last couple of days. Adrenaline was in my veins, but the effect wore of incredibly fast. I already felt my limbs losing touch.
Fera was correct. Without me really noticing the sky had turned from cobalt to the powder blue of dawn, and the sun shone on our backs. That was the moment I understood how unbelievably tired I was despite the constant sleep the last couple of days. Adrenaline was in my veins, but the effect wore of incredibly fast. I already felt my limbs losing touch.
“Well,” I sighed, staring vaguely at the fountain. “I guess we didn’t just lay and forget the world.”
Fera only smirked, a vial in his hands. “We must complete our task first. We must take the water to the city of darkness.”
I answered with a nod, but when I concentrated all my strength on drawing the wind, I could only see a faint trace of the wild streets of the darkness city before all lights went out.
When my eyes opened the first thing I saw was myself.
There were smudged circles around my eyes and my body lay in a limp, unnatural position, like I wasn’t fully in control of my own movements.
I knew nothing about time – the hour or the day, but judging on the tint of the light it was already late afternoon. In contrast however, I knew where I was.
The same familiar peaks of the room were all around me, just like in my dream. But this time Fera wasn’t next to me. My eyes went from my left to the right and the only things I saw were emptiness. Very carefully I forced myself up, my body weighing like I was built of metal instead of flesh and bones.
I rose up and stood in the middle of the chamber, studying the floor figures around me. It was completely clear – the perceivable lines had disappeared leaving nothing left but indefinable smudges where the peaks had been. I blinked, and when I opened my eyes, Fera was there.
“Fera,” I began in a voice full of uncertainty. “What time is it?”
Fera didn’t answer instantly. He studied me for a second his head in a slight tilt like he had pointed out something new in my appearance. “Seven,” he answered.
Fera didn’t answer instantly. He studied me for a second his head in a slight tilt like he had pointed out something new in my appearance. “Seven,” he answered.
“Seven? It’s been eleven hours?”
But Fera said nothing. His eyes were locked on the floor figures. When my eyes got used to the light I noticed they were red – a dirty, faded shade of crimson like dried blood.
But Fera said nothing. His eyes were locked on the floor figures. When my eyes got used to the light I noticed they were red – a dirty, faded shade of crimson like dried blood.
“This is the council,” I noted self-evidently. “What happened?”
“You blacked out when we warped to the darkness city,” Fera explained. A recollection came to my mind but my head pounded and I stopped thinking. “I carried you.”
“Whoa. Meine Güte. I’m so sorry-“
“You blacked out when we warped to the darkness city,” Fera explained. A recollection came to my mind but my head pounded and I stopped thinking. “I carried you.”
“Whoa. Meine Güte. I’m so sorry-“
“Silence,” Fera said in an unfamiliar tone, and I zipped my mouth shut. “Look around you.”
I obeyed with bewilderment, staring at the same point Fera was. I could see the smudges weren’t arranged evenly, as if some of them were missing. “Your friends are down there. You must help me to open the door.”
“To open the door?” I repeated incredulously. “Fera, if you need to get to the first floor, I’m sure you could only use the stairs…”
I obeyed with bewilderment, staring at the same point Fera was. I could see the smudges weren’t arranged evenly, as if some of them were missing. “Your friends are down there. You must help me to open the door.”
“To open the door?” I repeated incredulously. “Fera, if you need to get to the first floor, I’m sure you could only use the stairs…”
But then my eyes flew at the double doors in the very edge of the room, a pair of doors I recognized instantly. They were open and revealed the council gardens bathing in a bright golden haze of the afternoon. They opened to reveal two pairs of staircases both swirling upwards, but none downwards.
“But… this is the first floor. You told me you dreamed of the second floor.”
“I did not lie,” Fera said. “To get down there we must finish the ritual.”
“I did not lie,” Fera said. “To get down there we must finish the ritual.”
And then Fera pulled a knife; a knife nothing like the ones in Nolan’s home, but a noble, reflective blade with a diamond-wrought handle. Before I could react he had brought the blade down and cut his palm. He pressed his bleeding hand tightly shut, spreading the crimson blood all over. Then he looked at the ceiling and pressed his palm onto the floor.
Suddenly I understood what the smudges in the floor were, why they were the color of dried blood. They were handprints of blood.
“Guardian blood,” Fera spoke, wiping his bleeding hand on his white shirt. “Is the key.”
“Guardian blood?” I repeated. “But I’m not a guardian. This… I don’t know… You said it would be nothing like this.”
Fera’s tone was reassuring as he spoke, reminding me of the way he had cooed me in my dream before reminding me my mamma was dead. “Cannot you see? Your friends have done the same to enter this place. Those are their handprints.”
Aes, Chyse, Circus, Talia. Earth, fire, water, darkness. The words of Aes and the twins ran through my mind. “She, after all, is a councelor in training.” – “He’s the councelor in training.” Was the blood of a guardian trained councelor enough to open the door?
Fera’s tone was reassuring as he spoke, reminding me of the way he had cooed me in my dream before reminding me my mamma was dead. “Cannot you see? Your friends have done the same to enter this place. Those are their handprints.”
Aes, Chyse, Circus, Talia. Earth, fire, water, darkness. The words of Aes and the twins ran through my mind. “She, after all, is a councelor in training.” – “He’s the councelor in training.” Was the blood of a guardian trained councelor enough to open the door?
But that had to mean-
“Look,” Fera continued, but I couldn’t hear his voice. My ears buzzed and I stared at my own shaking hands, as if they were already bleeding. “This is the only way… It will not hurt. Only for a while.”
That is not what I fear, I thought, but I was unable to say the words out loud. Fera had moved closer to me, his lips next to my ear. “I can do it for you. I know where to cut.”
“No,” I said, taking hold of the blade Fera had given me, but drying it of his blood first. It was sharper than any kitchen knife I had ever held, and the mirror-like surface reflected my shocked expression. “I will do it.”
“Be careful,” Fera whispered, and without looking, I cut a thin line of scarlet across my skin.
“No,” I said, taking hold of the blade Fera had given me, but drying it of his blood first. It was sharper than any kitchen knife I had ever held, and the mirror-like surface reflected my shocked expression. “I will do it.”
“Be careful,” Fera whispered, and without looking, I cut a thin line of scarlet across my skin.
The wound burned as the blood interacted with oxygen, and I felt my head starting to spin. “Look up,” Fera instructed, and despite the stinging pain I raised my expression. From the ceiling another me stared back and I understood. The ceiling was a mirror – in my dreams I had been looking through it. The lines of the floor were shown only through it. Through it I could without trouble see the peak of wind on the opposite side of the chamber as Aes’ handprint. I walked over to the right spot, and closing my eyes, bended over to press my palm against the cooling surface. It accepted my touch as if it had been molded for me.
The air filled of a sudden electric hum and I was pulled aside as the lines on the floor started to crackle as if the floor was breaking. Dust filled the air as the crackles grew large and opened a passageway like a gaping wound into a torch-lit chamber below our feet. Fera took my hand with a smile, and our blood bonded as we stepped together down the hidden staircase.
While studying the chamber a mixed feeling of familiar and foreign flushed over me, like I was staring at a faceless person or a world without colors. The staircase rounded the walls in a hexagonal shape, and an innumerable amount of overlapping lines covered the floor. They reminded me of the lines on hospital floors leading onto different wings: guidelines. Each of them led into a corner of the room, and in every corner I saw one of my friends. Aes was staring straight into my eyes, but his expression was vague, as if he hadn’t noticed me coming. The look of him made me freeze. He looked exactly like the night I had last seen him, like nothing had happened to him. But why was he there? I wanted to run to him and scream until the world would fall around me. But when I took an instinctive step towards him, Fera caged me in his arms, staining my clothes with blood.
“Let me go,” I said, shocked by the calmness of my tone. “I have to get him out of here.”
Fera’s breath was hot on my neck. “We have to do this right.”
I froze. The roughness of his tone made my limbs melt, and I felt my knees giving way. “There,” he instructed, pointing at an empty spot between Talia and Chyse. Just like Aes, they looked exactly like the last time I had seen them – with the exception that Chyse had pulled on some pants. I stared incredulously into his icy blue eyes, and as Fera parted my side to stand in the circle in between Chyse and Aes, I saw something in Chyse’s eyes had changed. They were sharp and somehow very alert – despite his very dead figure, he had never before looked so ready, so alive. Close to her Talia had fixed her eyes on me, but she looked more through me. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “Talia-“
As she heard her name, her whole figure flinched and I startled backwards. The very second my back hit the wall the room flashed, and the torches flared alight like igniting stars. Right then I could see the overlapping lines on the floor had changed. Now they formed a hexagonal pattern just like the one I had seen through the ceiling mirror, and a flash like an electric current spread from the center of the room, hitting me with the force of a flushing tide and knocking the strength off my feet. I fell on my knees, and the very second I was out of breath, white spots dancing in my eyes.
Fera’s breath was hot on my neck. “We have to do this right.”
I froze. The roughness of his tone made my limbs melt, and I felt my knees giving way. “There,” he instructed, pointing at an empty spot between Talia and Chyse. Just like Aes, they looked exactly like the last time I had seen them – with the exception that Chyse had pulled on some pants. I stared incredulously into his icy blue eyes, and as Fera parted my side to stand in the circle in between Chyse and Aes, I saw something in Chyse’s eyes had changed. They were sharp and somehow very alert – despite his very dead figure, he had never before looked so ready, so alive. Close to her Talia had fixed her eyes on me, but she looked more through me. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “Talia-“
As she heard her name, her whole figure flinched and I startled backwards. The very second my back hit the wall the room flashed, and the torches flared alight like igniting stars. Right then I could see the overlapping lines on the floor had changed. Now they formed a hexagonal pattern just like the one I had seen through the ceiling mirror, and a flash like an electric current spread from the center of the room, hitting me with the force of a flushing tide and knocking the strength off my feet. I fell on my knees, and the very second I was out of breath, white spots dancing in my eyes.
As soon as my vision cleared I noticed several things. I felt different, like a pressure I hadn’t noticed until then had been lifted off my chest. The world around me also was different. The stone walls of the staircase had changed into wall-long bookcases filled with countless books of power – maps, notebooks, some as old as Kaiya itself. In the middle of the room was a pouring column of light like a wall of glass, a wall I had seen in a vision. The room was no longer incomplete, and I understood. I had always wondered why the council, a hexagonal building with six ends and six seats for each elemental guardian had only five floors. But it didn’t. The sixth floor existed, only underground – it was where the archives were, a place which only the guardians knew of. But before I could understand why I was there I was already too late.
Next to me Talia had fallen on her back, her unconscious fingers gripping desperately at the empty air. Chyse leaned against a bookcase with closed eyes, and Circus and Aes both reached towards me, like despite their unconsciousness they knew I was still awake. Between them Fera studied the roof above us, his eyes like glass. “It’s time,” he whispered, turning into a blur of black and white. The next second he had pinned me between his body and a staircase wall which pressed painfully against my back. Behind him I could notice the shadows had started to shift, like the ceiling was sealing above us. Something cold and angled grazed my thigh, and I thought of the blade Fera had with him. A sharp pain stung my palm where I had cut it, and before I could fully realize what I was doing, I swung my fist at him. His palm deflected the blow, and my arm twisted in a painful angle. A pulsing pain jolted through my broken elbow.
“Don’t you understand what that means?” I spoke through my teeth. “It means ‘let me go.’”
“I cannot.”
Somewhere above I could hear a steady tone, footsteps. “Let me go,” I repeated. “Now.”
Somewhere above I could hear a steady tone, footsteps. “Let me go,” I repeated. “Now.”
Fera freed my hand from his palm. “I have to do this,” he said, as he jerked my arms up with a single swift motion. “You have to understand.”
A bright bar of light like burning magnesium appeared in between his fingers, but it wasn’t that. It was light. My arms were tied together, and the footsteps got ever closer. Fera’s eyes were wild. “I will never hurt you again. I promise.”
“You’re a liar,” I cried, turning my head away. “I can’t believe you.”
“You have to,” Fera said. From the corner of my eye I could study the range of emotions passing his face – anger, hatred – but also pain. It was like he the world was falling before him, but he stayed only to watch its terrible beauty. His eyes went to the staircase above, and he stood up, letting me go. “Don’t say a word. No matter what, don’t.”
A bright bar of light like burning magnesium appeared in between his fingers, but it wasn’t that. It was light. My arms were tied together, and the footsteps got ever closer. Fera’s eyes were wild. “I will never hurt you again. I promise.”
“You’re a liar,” I cried, turning my head away. “I can’t believe you.”
“You have to,” Fera said. From the corner of my eye I could study the range of emotions passing his face – anger, hatred – but also pain. It was like he the world was falling before him, but he stayed only to watch its terrible beauty. His eyes went to the staircase above, and he stood up, letting me go. “Don’t say a word. No matter what, don’t.”
“He’s coming, isn’t he?” I yelled after Fera as he turned his back. “He’s coming to get the scrolls.”
Somehow I expected the world to rumble, but not a single thing happened. The wards are down, I realized. He’s here.
Somehow I expected the world to rumble, but not a single thing happened. The wards are down, I realized. He’s here.
“I hate you,” I said, and this time I meant it. “I truly do.”
“Felice?” Someone questioned, and the familiarity of the voice brought me the chills. “Who are you talking to?”
Fera froze on his tracks, holding something sharp and glittery in his hands. A knife.
“There is blood on your blade,” a female figure noted in a heavy accent. She wore a gracious golden gown which hugged her curves and highlighted her tanned complexion. “Is it yours?”
Fera opened his mouth as if to say something, when a hand reached out from behind him and pushed him aside. Fera closed his eyes and drew back as if he was expecting to be beaten.
Fera opened his mouth as if to say something, when a hand reached out from behind him and pushed him aside. Fera closed his eyes and drew back as if he was expecting to be beaten.
But with the sight of me my father only smiled, a pair of amber eyes narrowed like mine when I saw something truly interesting. “What a futile attempt to hide her from me,” said Tristen. “Was she so resistant you had to bind her?”
I leaned back half instinctively, rubbing my wrists against each other. Where the light touched the skin grew hot like I was burned by the sun. “If I were you, I would not do that. Look at your hands.”
I threw my arms powerlessly over my head, a sharp pain hitting my sight. I closed my eyes, and behind them I could still see the afterimage of light. “The more you resist, the brighter it burns. What is your name?”
I threw my arms powerlessly over my head, a sharp pain hitting my sight. I closed my eyes, and behind them I could still see the afterimage of light. “The more you resist, the brighter it burns. What is your name?”
Tristen approached me with a confident stroll alike Severina’s, lifting his chin in a theatrical gesture of vanity. It had to be forethought. He never does or says anything without further thinking, Severina had said. But everything else in him… just like peeling off an onion skin, under all those artificial gestures and expressions there was a skin which revealed his true self. And under his second skin… he looked just like me.
“My name?” I repeated, even slightly awestruck. If Severina had recognized me only from the eyes without knowing of my existence, my father had to recognize me. “Hilary.”
Tristen studied me carefully, his eyes at my eye level – either at my bridge piercing or irises. “It means ‘joyful.’”
I know what it means, I thought. But why the hell are you interested in a thing like it?
I know what it means, I thought. But why the hell are you interested in a thing like it?
“Well, Hilary, I am pleased to meet you.”
I gave a laugh, and Tristen raised a brow curiously.
“Gott in Himmel,” I half-laughed, half-cried. “Stop this forsaken charade! It doesn’t interest you at all, does it? You’re just irritated because I’m here to thwart your plan of getting the scrolls. Which, by the way, is shitty.”
Tristen blinked as if he didn’t really believe the situation he was in. “I would not include the words ‘forsaken’ and ‘charade’ in the same sentence.”
My jaw dropped. “Go to hell, dad.”
A bright smile lightened Tristen’s features. If I wouldn’t have known what he was up to, it would have been a pleasant sight. “You are a bright one, aren’t you?”
“Enough of this,” I sighed. “If you’re going to kill me, then just get it over with. You’ve already used me enough.”
Tristen arched his eyebrows. “I am not planning to kill you.”
“Enough of this,” I sighed. “If you’re going to kill me, then just get it over with. You’ve already used me enough.”
Tristen arched his eyebrows. “I am not planning to kill you.”
I shook my head incredulously. If I had a chance, this was it. Tristen had planned it all well – he would make sure the council would not know of him being there. But if I could delay him long enough…
“Let’s just… talk,” I said. “You know, there’s some stuff you really should clear up. Like what’s the thing with treating your kids like they were scientific experiments? e. + l. = w.? Or possibly d.? What does that mean?”
Tristen’s expression was indefinable. “’Scientific’ is not the right word to describe what I think of you.”
Tristen’s expression was indefinable. “’Scientific’ is not the right word to describe what I think of you.”
“Quatsch.”
“Höre auf dich,” Tristen laughed. “Deine Mutter hat dich gut gelehrt.”
“Höre auf dich,” Tristen laughed. “Deine Mutter hat dich gut gelehrt.”
“This conversation is ridiculous,” I stated. “Point one: I’m tied up. Free me, and perhaps we’ll achieve agreement.”
Tristen leaned close, and for a second I even believed he would do it. “No,” he drew back, crossing his arms under his golden robe. The rings of power and wisdom flickered on his right hand, but his ring of benevolence was gone. “I am afraid there is no time. But you are lucky to be conscious unlike your friends. There is something I want to show you.”
His sentence ended into a sudden pull of breath like before a deep dive, and Tristen penetrated the column of color like the walls of a soap bubble.
The very same second the walls around us started to shimmer. The six ends of the room wavered, and figures appeared at each empty wall like a flushing tide. My eyes flew next to me where the letters had burned themselves through the walls. They formed readable words, but the mere sight of them was painful, and even though I closed my eyes, I still could see them. No, my lips formed the word soundlessly. I was too late. My eyes flew at Fera, who had his eyes on me as if I was the only thing he could see. Why was he looking at me like that? To him I had been nothing but a tool. Somehow Fera had always been around when one of my friends went missing. Somehow Fera had known the way to the fountain of Light, just like he had known his way to my childhood home. My conscience had always been right. You will hate yourself, it had said. In the end you will.
Why had I not listened?
Inside the column of color Tristen had started chanting under his breath, something which sounded almost like a prayer. “Earth, I thank you for your fields and the gift of life you have given us…”
Severina, I thought. Her image formed behind my eyelids. If I would have concentrated enough, perhaps she would have heard me. And perhaps she did, but no longer understood. Severina, you have to come. It’s already begun.
But life wasn’t logical.
The world was full of odds, norms, consistencies. Human-created rules of order to prevent chaos. Winter lasts three months. The compass points north. Tomorrow it will rain.
“And Light, I thank you for your grace and the wisdom you have given us…”
Life wasn’t a mathematical equation. There was no solution. Perhaps Tristen treated the world that way: as numbers and figures, thinking, that if he knew the premises he could somehow calculate his moves and make the right decision.
Life wasn’t a mathematical equation. There was no solution. Perhaps Tristen treated the world that way: as numbers and figures, thinking, that if he knew the premises he could somehow calculate his moves and make the right decision.
But what if there came no winter? What if the Earth’s magnetic field would warp and the compass point south instead? What if the wind currents would turn and rain would never come?
Life was of movement, illogical figures and patterns, lifelines entwining: a constantly morphing entity of parting and departing particles, some that changed direction and went their own way, and some that despite how small the odds were, ended always meeting again.
When Tristen finally opened his eyes they were almost white, glowing with light. “The Elementals, I thank you for balance and the gifts you have given us.”
A blow like a pressure wave made the hairs on my skin stand up, and when I moved my eyes on Tristen the walls around him had dissolved and the glow on the scrolls had died.
For a mere second he only stood there raptly, as if the scenery around him had turned unreal. There was a moment I stared at the ceiling like a starry sky, imagining Severina descending the steps with her flowing platinum hair and taking me in her arms just like mamma had done, telling me all was all right.
Instead I heard Tristen call a command, and the next second I focused my attention on the room the walls were dead and empty, and my father had joined the woman in the golden dress in a passionate embrace.
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