(englanniksi en jaksa kääntää ja koska suurin osa- tai kaikki? lukijoistani kuitenkin ymmärtävät suomea, mitä sitä turhia.)
Chapter Nineteen
Severina’s expression went grim as if I had asked her the wrong type of a question. She sighed, leaning over the table, her hands gripping the book she had been reading. “Before you ask things like that, you should know who father really is. Now, Hilary, tell me, what do you think about when you hear the word ‘father?’”
A flash of the day before came back to my mind – Eua and Severina sitting across me in the same table, feeling like I was in therapy again. “Here are different icons for emotions. Circle the one which you represent best.
“To be blunt, not really anything,” I answered. I had never really thought about my father much. Maybe I'd seen him as some sort of hobo who had somehow been the beginning of me. I had never actually seen him as a part of my mamma’s life. But now, all of a sudden, I was supposed to see him as a person who played a bigger role: not just some guy from my mamma's past, but actually his husband and a father of two children: Severina and me.
“Have you ever thought what he was like?”
“I’m not really sure,” I replied instantly. The effect of the water was starting to wear off – I could already answer ‘I don’t know’ instead of ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ “The first time when I really heard about him he was already connected with evilness. Malevolent, power-hungry, that type of stuff.”
Severina looked disappointed, almost sad. Tired, I thought, noticing the circles under her eyes. The way my mamma had looked too often. “No-one is evil deep down in their essence. Father is a man – a twisted man, but not a monster. He lived once on Earth, just like the two of us. Do you know what used to be his profession?”
Before becoming a Dark Lord, I added in my mind, ignoring the fact his element was Light. The visions I had of him had only involved him doing guardian stuff. And reading through mamma’s poems…
Severina looked disappointed, almost sad. Tired, I thought, noticing the circles under her eyes. The way my mamma had looked too often. “No-one is evil deep down in their essence. Father is a man – a twisted man, but not a monster. He lived once on Earth, just like the two of us. Do you know what used to be his profession?”
Before becoming a Dark Lord, I added in my mind, ignoring the fact his element was Light. The visions I had of him had only involved him doing guardian stuff. And reading through mamma’s poems…
“As I thought,” Severina proceeded, fiddling Liebe ist wie ein Vogel between her fingers. “He wasn’t the most ordinary man on Earth. He was a city planner.”
There was a short pause. Facts were rearranging in my mind, and I thought about The Cities, how everything was somehow different, yet similar. An old conversation between me, Chyse and Nolan at Pause hovered between my ears. Is it possible to shift something else between the realms? Like… more people than one? Or concrete things? And how Nolan only laughed, a curious look in his eyes. That’s impossible.
“Are you trying to say this has something to do with his profession? That he’s only emptying Earth and filling Kaiya up because it’s something he wanted to preserve? The Cities-“ I broke off, the puzzle pieces suddenly clicking together. I felt a snap in my brains. “It’s how he preserved it,” I spoke to myself. “The Cities… is Earth eighteen years ago. It’s how it looked like when you left Earth. At that time Pause didn’t still have a storage, or my room my stuff, or… my school wasn’t a school.”
And suddenly I understood why my mamma had loved the house we lived in so, why she gazed at the city as if she owned it. They were the only memories she had of father left.
“I visited the old Archives with my friends,” I confessed, not really facing Severina’s eyes – maybe I feared she would start a lecture of it – but she only listened. “And they existed at my old school. We found a friend of ours from my school library, tortured by Fire with a capital F.”
“You encountered an Elemental,” Severina spoke dazedly. “Your logic is something you have inherited of our father.”
“Was that an insult?”
“You encountered an Elemental,” Severina spoke dazedly. “Your logic is something you have inherited of our father.”
“Was that an insult?”
Severina let a laugh. “Our father is a very logical man. He never does or says anything without further thinking. He would be impressed with you, if he knew. You cannot let him get to you. Whatever he does, promise me one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“He probably already knows you are here. He will do everything to have you on his side. Even though it might hurt you, you have to refuse him again and again. It is your only choice."
“He probably already knows you are here. He will do everything to have you on his side. Even though it might hurt you, you have to refuse him again and again. It is your only choice."
The thought of it sickened me, but I got myself together fast. How come denying a father I had never known - a father who left my mamma because of me and caused her to depress and kill herself would be hard for me? But then again… what had he done to Severina to cause this?
“But why… why is he after me? What does he want?”
As Severina responded she grabbed her thick book, opening it from the very ending, showing me a picture which looked like a bleeding ink walrus.
“It’s what he failed to get through me,” she explained. Her following words shook the building as if it were hit by a giant tide. “The Elemental scrolls.”
“The Elemental scrolls?” I repeated incredulously, my bones still shivering. It reminded me of my very first council meeting, how Severina had introduced herself as the guardian of darkness and Talia’s words of my draw of darkness – which of course, were only for my protection. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t heard of the scrolls before. Someone had brought them up once, and I understood why. Only mentioning them made the elements chaotic. Bringing them up once again made me wonder whether I would ever stop hearing Rilla’s screaming inside my head.
“We rather don’t mention them,” Severina explained. “They are great documents of power and ever since what happened six years ago…” Severina paused, sighing. “Six years ago father lead a break-in into the old Archives. The wards of them are taken down and put up again every six years to maintain their strength. Father used it as an excuse – he reassured me it would be only an inspection. But when I noticed how the other guardians around us acted, I knew something was wrong. Father has always had a strong connection to the spiritual realm. He had control over their minds somehow. But when he tried to access my mind, I refused. Since then I have known who he is.”
“Was Aurora there too? Under his spell?”
Severina shook her head. “No. I was naïve then – I could have never believed for my own father to do something like that. But Aurora had been warning of him for years. I never believed her until then. I owed her a debt, and I am paying it right this second. I am paying it by protecting you.”
“Was Aurora there too? Under his spell?”
Severina shook her head. “No. I was naïve then – I could have never believed for my own father to do something like that. But Aurora had been warning of him for years. I never believed her until then. I owed her a debt, and I am paying it right this second. I am paying it by protecting you.”
I stared unmovable at the smudgy pages of the book Severina was still holding up. When I crossed my eyes the picture shifted: the overview was still indefinable, but the image was starting to form into words, some of them which I could recognize: wind; sky; breathe…
“It’s been six years,” I voiced, still trying to decipher the figures. “Is this only me, or is this some sort of sick joke?”
For a second Severina looked younger than usual: the motherliness of being a guardian washed away, and I saw her as I was, curious and young. “I have never truly believed in destiny,” she said in a tone which reminded me of mine. “Or that our whole lives would be written and we would have no free will. But there are things that are meant to be and happen for a reason. Somehow it’s easier to believe in balance. That everything that happens is connected with elemental shifts and stirs. And what else could explain all this? There is no such thing as magic, Hilary. There is only energy: it can never fully be taken. Only borrowed and returned.”
For a second Severina looked younger than usual: the motherliness of being a guardian washed away, and I saw her as I was, curious and young. “I have never truly believed in destiny,” she said in a tone which reminded me of mine. “Or that our whole lives would be written and we would have no free will. But there are things that are meant to be and happen for a reason. Somehow it’s easier to believe in balance. That everything that happens is connected with elemental shifts and stirs. And what else could explain all this? There is no such thing as magic, Hilary. There is only energy: it can never fully be taken. Only borrowed and returned.”
“But how can I then explain the way I feel, how I seem to be just… guessing the outcome of all things? Just like I’ve been feeling of this whole empty Earth-thing, and how there was a tug in my guts when I first heard your name. What’s that?”
“Intuition is a gift of the Elementals to human kind,” Severina answered. “Some elements represent is better, one of which is Light. It might be something you inherited of father’s. And even though you might feel nothing for father when you meet him, blood calls to blood. Eventually it will lead you to him.”
“Intuition is a gift of the Elementals to human kind,” Severina answered. “Some elements represent is better, one of which is Light. It might be something you inherited of father’s. And even though you might feel nothing for father when you meet him, blood calls to blood. Eventually it will lead you to him.”
There was a pause, and I used it to breathe, feel the air inside my lungs, let my element flow inside me. Maybe it had something to do with Ariel’s purification, but my mind wasn’t heavy. Matter of fact, I felt… relieved. My questions had been answered, at least most of them. Perhaps my place in the world wasn’t what I had thought of it being. Perhaps Severina would be my key in finding it out. I could feel myself sighing as I saw the sun come up. I couldn’t believe my biggest worry was losing my daytime rhythm. I threw my hands back as I closed my eyes and yawned. Severina answered with a weary smile. “Perhaps Eua can survive one night on his own,” she said.
My eyebrows furrowed in bewilderment. “Uhm… what does that mean?”
“We will go to bed. Don’t forget I am a darkness guardian. Daylight doesn’t matter.”
“We will go to bed. Don’t forget I am a darkness guardian. Daylight doesn’t matter.”
The covers of Severina’s book closed with a thud, and she pushed it back to the shelves like through wavering water. Mamma’s poem was still on the table. On our way downstairs she took it between her fingers, reading it out loud. “…such as love without balance,” she quit, as we reached the bedroom door. “This is the only memory I have of mother. I didn’t know her for long, but I miss her. Don’t you?”
There was a clink when the key turned in the lock. The view opened into a grand bedroom with two separate beds pushed together. I wondered how many beds did the palace hold – these two hadn’t been slept in for a while.
There was a clink when the key turned in the lock. The view opened into a grand bedroom with two separate beds pushed together. I wondered how many beds did the palace hold – these two hadn’t been slept in for a while.
“I miss her every day,” I replied, pulling over a spare black nightgown lolling over a cabinet. It was something I could imagine Severina wearing. “You remind me of her. You have her eyes.”
Severina looked curious for a second, like she was caught in a memory. As fast as the emotion had filled her face, it was gone again, and she whirled around to pull the thick curtains over the windows, and suddenly it was again as dark as if it were midnight.
Severina looked curious for a second, like she was caught in a memory. As fast as the emotion had filled her face, it was gone again, and she whirled around to pull the thick curtains over the windows, and suddenly it was again as dark as if it were midnight.
I threw myself on the bed, staring vaguely at the patterned ceiling. I started to count the overlapping lines and Severina lay next to me, her smooth blonde hair tousled as if she had just woken up. She said nothing, but I could feel her eyes on me. She was very close to me, just a touch away. Yet it felt very natural, reminding me of the safe feeling I had when I slept together with mamma when I was little. I studied my breath and listened to the hum in my ears. Severina’s eyes were still on me, as if she were presenting me a silent question. What are you thinking?
“She never told me of you,” I whispered, my fingers clutching around the heavy blanket. “She never got the chance.”
I turned around very slowly, facing Severina’s twinkling eyes. She wasn’t much older than me, but they reflected an odd experience – even wisdom, something I lacked.
I turned around very slowly, facing Severina’s twinkling eyes. She wasn’t much older than me, but they reflected an odd experience – even wisdom, something I lacked.
“We never understand the importance of anyone before we lose them,” I spoke, and Severina’s eyes told me she didn’t know yet. Her forehead wrinkled as she formed the question soundlessly on her lips. “Mother, is she…?”
I didn’t cry when I was a child and hurt myself like other children did. I didn’t cry when Ashley called me names or pulled my hair. I didn’t cry when the man called on the white April day or when I visited mamma in the morgue or when I saw her coffin lowered into the grave.
I didn’t cry when I was a child and hurt myself like other children did. I didn’t cry when Ashley called me names or pulled my hair. I didn’t cry when the man called on the white April day or when I visited mamma in the morgue or when I saw her coffin lowered into the grave.
I cried when the words became reality; when they were no longer written but spoken by human lips. I cried only once when I heard the words shiver in the air, felt mamma’s life slip through my fingers like smoke I couldn’t capture. I cried until consciousness became water and reality turned into a dream. It was the first and only time.
According to Severina, I woke exactly nine hours later, it already being noon. Despite the long nap my eyelids felt sealed shut. I felt like I was having the hangover of the year.
“Mein Gott,” I murmured, holding a black pillow against my face. Everything in the bedrooms was simply black. “How is it possible to feel like this?”
“The fountain tends to have those sorts of aftereffects.”
“The fountain tends to have those sorts of aftereffects.”
Oh. And that happened. With a rush, everything came back to me. All of a sudden I didn’t feel like sleeping anymore. “How long have you been up?”
“I didn’t sleep,” Severina answered.
“I didn’t sleep,” Severina answered.
“What?” I exclaimed, rubbing my eyes. There were no signs of sleeplessness in her – my sister. The word seemed somehow distant. Her hair was still perfect, even the circles under her eyes were gone. “What did you do all night, then?”
“Sat, relaxed, thought about things. Oh, please have something to eat.”
I reached over the bed, my limbs like jelly. Next to her, Severina had placed a cart holding a silver tray. The scent of food dazed my senses as my eyes wandered on the tray. A glass of juice, something enfolded in a silver wrapper and-
“Sat, relaxed, thought about things. Oh, please have something to eat.”
I reached over the bed, my limbs like jelly. Next to her, Severina had placed a cart holding a silver tray. The scent of food dazed my senses as my eyes wandered on the tray. A glass of juice, something enfolded in a silver wrapper and-
“An omelet?” I said. “I can’t eat that. I’m allergic. By the way, where does all this food come from?”
“Eua likes to cook,” answered Severina, as she pulled back the omelet and handed me the surprise breakfast, now unwrapped, revealing a greenish-gray pastry in size somewhere between a muffin and a pie. I let out a disgusted snarl. “What’s up with the forsaken earth-cakes? They taste like dirt.”
“They are nutritious,” Severina shrugged as she passed me the tray. My fingers grasped the juice instantly and I swallowed it with three slow gulps, staring distastefully at the earth-cake. I could still remember where I had tasted one of them the first time. This is real good, Talia had said. Take a bite.
“Eua likes to cook,” answered Severina, as she pulled back the omelet and handed me the surprise breakfast, now unwrapped, revealing a greenish-gray pastry in size somewhere between a muffin and a pie. I let out a disgusted snarl. “What’s up with the forsaken earth-cakes? They taste like dirt.”
“They are nutritious,” Severina shrugged as she passed me the tray. My fingers grasped the juice instantly and I swallowed it with three slow gulps, staring distastefully at the earth-cake. I could still remember where I had tasted one of them the first time. This is real good, Talia had said. Take a bite.
That was the Talia I wanted, I thought. Not anything like the jealous bitch she had been the night before. I’m not trying to hurt you. I never tried to do that. But now you have hurt me.
”You look just like me when you get lost into your thoughts,” Severina said. She had caught me in compact gaze. “So… insightful.”
I let out a dry laugh. “I don’t really pay attention to how I look when I’m doing something,” I said. “At least not when I’m actually not paying attention.”
“But that is a trait we have in common,” Severina continued. “Thinking. Getting lost into our inner worlds.”
I let out a dry laugh. “I don’t really pay attention to how I look when I’m doing something,” I said. “At least not when I’m actually not paying attention.”
“But that is a trait we have in common,” Severina continued. “Thinking. Getting lost into our inner worlds.”
I could hear my stomach grumble as I continued. “I don’t think I was really lost in any world. I just thought about Talia.”
“She left last night. I heard you fight.”
I felt my head droop in shame as I spoke my words. “She’s still not back, or is she?”
“No,” Severina answered. “You hurt her feelings. I am sure it would need only a little apology to get her back.”
And now I’m the villain, a sigh filled my mind. Maybe I really hadn’t been fair with her. She had only tried to protect me. She had only been in the wrong place in the wrong time. It wasn’t her who I was to extract my anger on. It was Fera. I knew I had to find him somehow, talk things straight. But did I really want to?
“Yeah,” I stated, getting up and looking around for my blue dress. It was nowhere to be seen – instead I only saw my old councelor dress. And I wasn’t going to wear that on town. “I… I just had too much on my mind. All the ‘I’m your sister, and oh, doesn’t that mean Tristen is my father?’-stuff summed up with all the drama I’m having with my friends. I guess I really didn’t intend to say any of those things.”
Severina cast me a smile, but it had a hint of sadness in it. “You are going to The Cities again, aren’t you?”
I nodded, and Severina opened the door.
“She left last night. I heard you fight.”
I felt my head droop in shame as I spoke my words. “She’s still not back, or is she?”
“No,” Severina answered. “You hurt her feelings. I am sure it would need only a little apology to get her back.”
And now I’m the villain, a sigh filled my mind. Maybe I really hadn’t been fair with her. She had only tried to protect me. She had only been in the wrong place in the wrong time. It wasn’t her who I was to extract my anger on. It was Fera. I knew I had to find him somehow, talk things straight. But did I really want to?
“Yeah,” I stated, getting up and looking around for my blue dress. It was nowhere to be seen – instead I only saw my old councelor dress. And I wasn’t going to wear that on town. “I… I just had too much on my mind. All the ‘I’m your sister, and oh, doesn’t that mean Tristen is my father?’-stuff summed up with all the drama I’m having with my friends. I guess I really didn’t intend to say any of those things.”
Severina cast me a smile, but it had a hint of sadness in it. “You are going to The Cities again, aren’t you?”
I nodded, and Severina opened the door.
“In case father really is after you, he will await for the next council meeting to encounter you face to face. He wants to introduce officially without awaking any doubts. He will show unusual interest in you, assuring there are no thoughts behind what he does. And when he has gained your trust, then he will strike.”
Severina approached the doorway, but before treading out she glanced quickly at the way I was dressed, memory flashing on her face. “Oh,” she began, opening the highest locker of the cabinet. “Aurora brought you these.”
She was carrying a bundle of clothes with her – brown, orange and blue, wrapped around a rope of every color of the rainbow. “My jacket! And my scarf!”
“Be free to change into those,” she stated, and as I pulled on my familiar stockings and long, orange tee, I watched how she stared vaguely into the distance, her eyes an obscure shade between gray and brown in the light. “Severina,” I called her, still not very sure how to talk to her. Sister was too early – almost too official. And a nickname perhaps too inappropriate – yet my mind kept twisting the letters: Sev, Sevvie, Eve – Evie.
“Be free to change into those,” she stated, and as I pulled on my familiar stockings and long, orange tee, I watched how she stared vaguely into the distance, her eyes an obscure shade between gray and brown in the light. “Severina,” I called her, still not very sure how to talk to her. Sister was too early – almost too official. And a nickname perhaps too inappropriate – yet my mind kept twisting the letters: Sev, Sevvie, Eve – Evie.
“How was Tristen… you know, before he became a guardian? Before this… person he has become.”
Severina’s dusky lips carved into an amused smile. “How was he as a father, is that what you intended?”
I nodded, shoving my hands nervously into my pockets. The gesture felt familiar and warm, just like mamma’s scarf around my neck. My answer was a vapid nod.
Severina’s dusky lips carved into an amused smile. “How was he as a father, is that what you intended?”
I nodded, shoving my hands nervously into my pockets. The gesture felt familiar and warm, just like mamma’s scarf around my neck. My answer was a vapid nod.
“Ever since I was little, he has taught me,” Severina began. “Taught me words, rules, gestures. That I would never interrupt him during his speech. If someone would ask me a question I would never answer unless I knew it. When we sat side by side in the council, I would mimic his gestures: the steadiness of his motions, his slightly inward-turned gaze, as if he were always part of some other world. And never, not a single time, I would cause a conflict.”
“He sounds awfully… stern,” I noted. “Did he ever let you… be a child? Play? Laugh?” The image of young Severina on the field with mamma flashed behind my eyes.
“He sounds awfully… stern,” I noted. “Did he ever let you… be a child? Play? Laugh?” The image of young Severina on the field with mamma flashed behind my eyes.
“He took me to places,” Severina said. “The City of Light. The Archives. The mountains. And he let me play. But he never played with me. Sometimes he taught me to build a sand castle just like his palace – showed me when I was wrong. But I hardly played. It wasn’t something I was used to do. I remember how I treaded forests when I was young, exploring the night, finding dimensions to it: the shadows, the earth, the wind, the light – the world breathing around me, how I watched the shadows play and father watched me play. Sometimes he did or said things only to watch how I reacted. Tested me.”
A flash beneath my eyelids showed me the leather diary inside the cabinet I had never been able to open, the letters E.M engraved on it. Perhaps my mamma knew of it, I thought. Or perhaps she had never seen it at all – because father had hidden the key…
“He kept a notebook of you.”
Severina’s gaze turned curious, suddenly very present. Her eyes told me to proceed.
Severina’s gaze turned curious, suddenly very present. Her eyes told me to proceed.
“When I drank of the fountain of Light, I saw the past through mamma’s eyes. I was inside her head, thought what she had been thinking. Tristen had been watching you,” I remembered. “He wrote notes of you in that book. And I saw it my own eyes, when I visited our childhood home. I know I shouldn’t have been there-“
“But you were curious,” Severina complemented. “There is nothing wrong with it. You had the right to know.”
“Gott sei Dank,” I breathed. “I almost expected some overused idiom like ‘curiosity killed the cat.’” I raised my brows. “I guess my curiosity failed. I only managed to read the first page. It had your date and time of birth, 11.11, 12:00 – midnight, just like you told me. And then… ‘e. + l. = w.? Or possibly d.?’. Do you know what that could mean?”
Severina’s eyes had gone dark and she had tilted herself so she was now leaning against the doorframe. “That notebook… where is it now?”
“I don’t know,” I answered blankly. “I was holding it in my hands, but then he came, and I blacked out. When I woke up I forgot about it.”
Severina’s expression was curious. “Who came?”
“Fera,” I replied.
“But you were curious,” Severina complemented. “There is nothing wrong with it. You had the right to know.”
“Gott sei Dank,” I breathed. “I almost expected some overused idiom like ‘curiosity killed the cat.’” I raised my brows. “I guess my curiosity failed. I only managed to read the first page. It had your date and time of birth, 11.11, 12:00 – midnight, just like you told me. And then… ‘e. + l. = w.? Or possibly d.?’. Do you know what that could mean?”
Severina’s eyes had gone dark and she had tilted herself so she was now leaning against the doorframe. “That notebook… where is it now?”
“I don’t know,” I answered blankly. “I was holding it in my hands, but then he came, and I blacked out. When I woke up I forgot about it.”
Severina’s expression was curious. “Who came?”
“Fera,” I replied.
Severina blinked, and there was a ruffle as she turned around in a whirlwind, her white hair flying back – like a fair version of mamma, I thought. She gestured me to follow, and we walked together upstairs.
“These,” Severina announced as she had pulled out a tin engraved with a filigree pattern, “Might be of use.”
We had entered a small storage room right next to the empty library. To my surprise, it had been more orderly arranged than I thought: everything was neatly at its place. The storage had everything in it which didn’t really go well into a library: clothes, accessories, even weapons – two long spears leaned against the back wall, all coated with dust as if they had been there for decades. Daggers rested on satin cushions and swords lay on the highest shelves, neatly in their sheaths. I was still lost staring at the arsenals as Severina’s box opened with a click. Something flashed within.
“Elemental tokens,” she explained, handing me the open box. It was full of tiny black disks too big to be coins: something around the size of blackjack chips. They shone in the light like anthracite slabs. “Warping will drain your strength too fast. You know The Cities – only tell what you want, and these will take you there.”
My eyes widened as I held one token in between my fingers. “The tokens?”
“They work as payment,” Severina clarified. “They are very worthy. Use them to travel.”
“All right,” I said, grabbing a handful of tokens and shoving them into my pockets. “Is there something else I need? A mace, a knife…?”
Severina didn’t laugh. “You need nothing but your mind. Think logically. Do you really trust Fera being the person he claims he is?”
My eyes widened as I held one token in between my fingers. “The tokens?”
“They work as payment,” Severina clarified. “They are very worthy. Use them to travel.”
“All right,” I said, grabbing a handful of tokens and shoving them into my pockets. “Is there something else I need? A mace, a knife…?”
Severina didn’t laugh. “You need nothing but your mind. Think logically. Do you really trust Fera being the person he claims he is?”
But I trust him, I had announced Talia, clearly and unquestionably. Now I wasn’t sure anymore. But I wasn’t sure then, I wasn’t sure ever. Yet I was still under the influence of the fountain then, speaking only the truth.
“He took you to the fountain of Light,” Severina specified. “Are you sure he and father aren’t allies?”
‘Something in my essence draws me to this place,’ he had said. He had known the way without remembering where to go. His soul had glowed gold when I saw the world only in lights.
“But if Fera were working for Tristen, why would have he let me drink from the fountain?” I questioned. “He… well, directly he didn’t insist me to drink of it. In fact, he kept on assuring it was just a legend. But then in the club…”
Severina’s expression was obscure. “The fountain tells the truth,” she said. “Whether he has malicious means or has not, the fountain told you it. It showed you his soul: how he really is.”
Severina’s expression was obscure. “The fountain tells the truth,” she said. “Whether he has malicious means or has not, the fountain told you it. It showed you his soul: how he really is.”
Oh, great. I was in the middle of the vicious circle again. “There’s only one choice I have, I guess,” I swallowed, as I realized the truth. “I have to find him.”
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