3: kaiya

heippa lueskelijat! tänään on kirjoitettu vähän laiskasti se 700 sanaa eikä mitään erityisen laadukasta tekstiä... mutta koen kuitenkin edistyväni ja sain jälleen uusia ideoita jatkoa ajatellen.:) on jotenkin hassua, että tiedän niin selvästi miten jatko menee mutta en mitään siitä, mitä tällä hetkellä tarinassani tapahtuu. onneksi on kuitenkin keksitty sellainen asia kuin musiikki ja tänään olen ollut erityisen inspiroitunut kuunnellessani minulle Lars Von Trierin Melancholia-elokuvasta tuttua Tristan und Isolde-preludia. voitte vaikka kuunnella sitä tätä lukua lukiessanne.
KOMMENTTI! haluan kommentteja! yksinäinen olo kun päivitän blogia aivan itsekseni. julkinen blogi keräisi enemmän lukijoita, mutta koska haluan pitää käsikirjoitukseni toistaiseksi vain harvojen luettavissa en voi niin tehdä. jos kuitenkin tiedätte kiinnostuneita lukijoita ottakaa heihin yhteyttä. tarvitsen lisää kommentteja ja parannusehdotuksia tai surustun. :(

hello readers! today i've done a total of 700 words and nothing of a particulary high quality... but i think i'm making success and i've had some new ideas for the future. it's somehow funny i know so clearly how i'll continue but nothing of what should happen presently. but thanks to a wonderful thing called music i've felt very inspriated today by the the Tristan and Isolde prelude introduced to me through Lars Von Trier's movie Melancholia. you could listen it while reading to this chapter, perhaps.
COMMENT! i want comments! i feel lonely posting all by myself. a public blog would have more readers, but because i want to keep my script to only a few i cannot do so. in case you know someone who could be interested please contact them. i need more contacts and developments ideas or i'll be sad:::(

 

Chapter Three

It was like I was at the Alps again.

At my left and right it was complete wasteland. The ground was as flat as it had been steamrolled. But what I saw in front of me stuck out of the scenery like a straight guy from a Pride parade. The cliffs pervaded the ground like sharp razors. The earth rippled and bended in unnatural angles. The silhouette of the closest cliff was ferocious. The foliage continued to climb the cliffs, coloring them sandy green. An earthly temple stood amidst the trees. The sight of the temple itself wasn’t terrifying – it was fascinating.

What terrified me was the fact it was surrounded by birds. They circled over it like prowling for prey. They were all ravens. As they saw Aurora coming they joined in a salute. She raised her arm as a response. Their cries were cut sharp: it was perfect silence.

“Hilary, welcome.”

My forehead wrinkled in awe, but Aurora’s expression remained approving. She lowered her arm and set her hand on my shoulder. In a normal situation I would have pulled away and asked what the hell she was doing. After all, Aurora was one way or another a complete stranger. There was one single reason why I didn’t: she was the one single person around in this strange, uncontrollable hallucination of mine!

“They too, feel your draw.”

Of course she was communicating with these things. She was the guardian of air.

It was indeed very unclear to me what the hell a guardian was, but it had something to do with supernatural senses and an element. According to my knowledge on these type of things there were four elements: wind, fire, water and earth. Guardians formed some sort of councils with their ‘earthlings’ – people like me. Like there were more people like me. The thought intrigued me as soon as it hit me. Suddenly the world didn’t seem like such a dark place anymore.

And each guardian chose only earthlings whose draw they could feel. The draw was elemental, which had to mean I was somehow – in some perverted, spiritual way connected to wind.

How the hell did it seem so forsaken obvious?

Of course I was drawn to wind. I had always been. I’d wanted to be an aviator since I got out of my diapers. My room was filled with pictures of the sky. There was no sweeter thing than a windy autumn evening with warm, orange streetlights.

Not to mention the same dream of flying I had been having for years, which just happened to take place the same dimension I was the very moment. At least the raven part. A lot was still unclear to me. But I just couldn’t tell Aurora, not yet.

Aurora nodded towards her cliff, taking slow, safe steps. “She is a place of great power. The birds sense it. She has been a guardian home for ages. Do you wish to enter?”
I was too lost in my thoughts to remark the strange way Aurora named things. I only managed a weak, robotic nod when it hit me. How the hell were we supposed to get up there?
“Umm… you… you guardians can’t fly or anything?”
Aurora smirked. “You will see.”

She closed her eyes and took a very deep breath, as if she was breathing the essence of the element itself. My hair fluttered in a sudden breeze, like we were caught in a tiny whirlwind. It all occurred too fast and unpredictably to tell what exactly happened.  First the wind increased and in a snap my ears locked like during a plane takeoff. The scenery flew past my eyes in a blur of numerous colors.

And second, I knew I wasn’t where I used to be.

What I saw was a beautiful sight over the cliffs. The forest spread wide underneath. The trees grew tall and old. We were standing underneath a weeping willow, hidden from the sun. The place intrigued me. It had dimensions to it: width and elevation. It was the perfect place to describe air. The distance between me and the earth made me dizzy.

“Do you like the sight?”
Aurora sat on a railing on the edge of a stone path, which led higher towards a grand building resembling a crystal gazebo. I had to squint my eyes to identify the material it was made of. It was almost like glass.

“Y-yes,” I stuttered, still staring at the gazebo-building in awe. “What is this place?”
“She is my home,” Aurora cooed. “The other guardians would call her a palace.”

Again Aurora managed to surprise me. “Jeez? You guardians have palaces?”
“Homes,” Aurora corrected. “Even though I would want to, I cannot sleep under the starry sky. The wind itself is free, very uncontrollable. But it is also tamable. It has to have a place of rest.”
Aurora scanned me through and saw my questioning look. She however looked understanding, as always. With a pause, she raised her arm and pointed out a bluff on her right. It looked dangerous, but tempting.

“What? You mean…”
“Listen to the wind. I am very familiar to its nature, for I listen to it regularly. You will not fear it. You know it too well. It has always been a part of you.”

What happened next was one of those famous I-have-no-forsaken-idea-what-just-happened-moments. It was maybe the most surreal thing ever happened to me until then. Like my dream had just turned into reality. But it was even more.

The moment I started to take steady steps towards the bluff I knew I wasn’t scared. I had never been afraid of the heights. The next second I already stood there, so high I would plummet into an instant death with even the tiniest breeze. I saw endlessly afar. There were forests everywhere. Somewhere at my left I spotted out a majorly large body of water, like a big lake or ocean. I think there was something else there, too, but it seemed to be covered by a thick haze – like my field of vision was slowly becoming blurrier. Without conscious thought I spread my arms like embracing the air around me. My arms morphed into imaginary wings. I grew feathers as the bird inside me awoke from its slumber. I closed my eyes and the wind took me.

I wasn’t really falling, naturally. Yet the feeling was awkwardly real. Beneath my lids I could spot the silhouettes of the birds around me. I was pulling them close to me. But instead of the frightening cawing sound the usually made, it was as if they were whispering. The ageless things who knew wind inside out, their inner essence. They were wind materialized. Free. Everywhere, eternally.

Then my knees suddenly gave way and Aurora pulled me back to her.

“Rest. Don’t let your thoughts wonder. Gather them and understand.”

I opened my eyes and noticed the wind had ceased. When I was about to speak I could hardly catch my breath. I coughed and shivered, raising my face.

“I just had a seriously paranormal experience.”
“It is no paranormal. It was all inside you, not outside.”
Taking a deep breath I continued. “Seriously? It was more like me being possessed.”

Aurora took a motherly tone as she helped me up. “Your element does not have control over you, Hilary. You communicate with it. What did you experience?”
“The forsaken birds,” I breathed. “They just talked to me.”

“That is a common elemental ability. What else?”

I shook my head, exhausted.

“You have never before experienced anything which could have indicated your elemental connection?”

I had to stand on my own and pace by my place to think. It was so incredibly absurd.

“Of course I have. I’ve always loved flying. Actually, my dream is to become an aviator.” Aurora raised her brows. “And I’ve seen this dream of flying for like… ages.”

With an indefinable expression between surprise and expectation Aurora said the words I had been the least expecting.

“It might have been a vision. I must take you to the council.”

Her hand gripped my wrist as she dragged me along towards her crystal palace.

“Jeez! Aurora! Calm down! Ow, that hurt!” I winced, as her grip on me tightened. “You can’t take me to the council! I have no idea how I came into this forsaken place! I know nothing about this. Hell, you should explain me first! In a way I could understand.”

Aurora’s grip loosened, but her expression was still tense, focused. She was way too focused on her thoughts than listening to me. I almost felt like gathering all my frustration and flinging her on her back with my KO-powers. Yet my insides told me not to.

“Explain me,” I begged. For a second her expression faltered, melted into her motherly understanding. What she had told me was everyone here had once been an earthling – or at least something like that. What if she had been in the same situation too, for like… centuries ago? She looked so ageless. She had to understand me.

“I was once an earthling like you. It has been too long for me to memorize my past life there. My thoughts of this world have replaced the ones I have of Earth.”

She paused, entering the arch to her palace. Faraway it had seemed like an outdoor gazebo, but right there I could see the walls were of glass. The round hall was empty with the exception of the crystal staircase which led up to a balcony. “It has been long since I had a guardian of my own.”
“How long does one need a guardian?”
Aurora’s eyes took her somewhere back. “It depends. I did not need one for long. I adapted to the ways of Kaiya fast. But those times the Earth and Kaiya were the same. Nowadays they do not resemble each other as much.”
I thought of her words, imagining what could be so different.

How long had Aurora been there? She talked about things as if they had happened decades ago. She couldn’t remember them well anymore. She had once been like me. Something had happened to her to take her into the same place I was in. And she was still there.

The thought made me as dizzy as it made me excited. It was still unclear what the hell I was doing there, but it was starting to come clearer. I wasn’t just hallucinating. If I was there, how could I still be on Earth? What had happened to me?

If all was as Aurora was trying to say, there were several things which were absolute facts.

Firstly, I had somehow mystically jumped from one dimension to another as I hit my head in the toilet. Either I had vanished into thin air in front of Ashley’s eyes or drifted into unconsciousness and my spirit had entered this realm, my certainty of my existence making me concrete again. Ashley of course would have just faked her freak-out. If I would’ve woken up she’d just laughed and stuffed my head in the toilet. I uttered a mental sigh at the thought. It sounded precisely like her.

Second, Aurora was some sort of elemental guardian who had control of the element wind. According to her every human being had a connection to one of the elements. The element could be manifested only in Kaiya together with one’s guardian. An element was more than just the acracadabra in fantasy books and movies. It was an innate essence which determined the way a person turned out to be. It seemed to explain all the astrology-bullshit and the fact some people were naturally stronger, more intuitive or creative.

Wind in its most concrete form reminded me of the cold autumn breeze which seemed to blow from the world’s edge and find the deepest of myself. Or a summer day in the shades of the trees with a calm flutter to cool the hottest of days. But wind could be very unexpected, very uncontrollable. At its worst it could develop from a calm summer breath to a raging hurricane. That’s how I was. Erratic.

Third: I think Aurora expected something of me I didn’t even know about. She knew parts of me even better than I did.

I had no forsaken idea of what was I doing there. However, I couldn’t tell how to get back either. And why the hell would I want to go back?

The thought shook me. Would I have to go back?

Anyway, my mamma had died 6 months ago and my life consisted mainly of school and the miserable people I had to deal with there.

It felt odd to think I’d maybe never have to see Ashley Cera again. I was already so used to her. We had known each other since… forever. She’d always been the same narrow-minded bitch who had called me a fucking lesbian and slapped me into another dimension. Personally I thought everybody needed a nemesis. Mine was Ashley. Losing her was like losing a part of me.

I’d always been too different to be a part of her world. When her bimbos dressed in their slut-tops and mini-skirts, I wore turtleneck-dresses, neon-colored leggings and Moomin-Groke-earrings. The moment Ashley saw me in our school dance in my shredded leggings, bold red pumps, black-and-white-polka-dot dress and bondage gloves she’d smiled and marched over to me, planting a wet, lip-glossed kiss on my cheek. The rest of the night the whole school kept on questioning me about my new girlfriend. Including Ashley.

If I ever had a girlfriend, it would have been her.

I returned a distant gaze with Aurora. For a second I still could hear her words ringing in my ears, in Ashley’s voice. “Wake up, Hilary. Wake up.”

As if she would have been saying it right then, I startled and sharpened my gaze.

“I am beginning to understand.”

Aurora looked pleased. “Good. Will you come with me to the council at dawn?”
“I guess,” I gulped, trying to not to think how official it sounded. “I have no other option.”

Aurora nodded approvingly. “Very well. The sun is sinking. Rest, Hilary.”

I took a quick look around and raised my brows questioningly. There was no bed.

“I will go outside,” I stated, passing the crystal arch and following the stone path under the weeping willow behind the palace (it still didn’t seem like one – maybe it was the lack of furnishing) and plunged myself on a hummock of soft grass, listening to the hum of the trees and the light of the igniting stars above.

I sat among the straws for hours and saw the sky darken above me, not willing to close my eyes. If I did so, my soul would flutter back to my own world and I’d wake up bloody and messed up on the dirty bathroom floor.

The whispers of the wind drifted my thoughts elsewhere. I was in a surreal place. The willow hung over me, scattering the last red rays of the sun and painting my world in shadows. The next day it would all begin.

“No way,” I breathed in distress, bowing my head down together with the sun. I was plummeting down into unconsciousness, quietly going under. Yet inside me the river of adrenaline and blood rushed with a terrible tension, and my soul whispered an answer in return. “Yes way…”

1: love is a bird

1.11 ja se on viimein täällä ::) nano on nyt siis aloitettu ja sanoja löytyy 663 kappaletta tältä illalta, lisää tulee. ehkä lukijoille positiivisena seikkana on mainittava se, että olin hiukan kärsimätön aloituksen suhteen ja kirjoitin 37720 sanaa ennen marraskuuta. :___D postaan tänne siis näillä näkymin joka päivä uuden luvun. vielä tänään pidän blogin kaikkien luettavissa, mutta jos haluatte lukea tätä vielä silloinkin kun tämä on yksityinen, kommentoikaa GOOGLE-sähköpostiosoitteenne tähän viestiin (kommenttien kera:)). siten voin lähettää teille lukukutsun kun teen blogista vain kutsutuille käyttäjille näkyvän! mutta tässä siis on tämänhetkinen draftini ykkösluvusta - tulee muuttumaan todennäköisesti vielä erittäin runsaasti. nauttikaa!

1.11 and it's finally here! so, nano has begun and i've accomplished a total of 663 words for tonight, more is to come. and something positive to the readers: i was sort of impatient with starting and wrote already 37720 words before november, so i will be posting a new chapter every day. i'll still keep it public for everyone today, but f you are willing to continue reading after i make this blog private, please comment your GOOGLE-email adresses in this message (with comments!::) thus i can send you an invite after making this available only to invited readers. but here's my first draft of ch 1 (which will change a lot.) enjoy!

PART ONE

WIND

Chapter One

I never believed in fate, but I believed in coincidence.

Perhaps some things were meant to be. Some mistakes were meant to be made. We were meant to fall for the wrong people.

Perhaps I even was meant to begin my last year in High School believing my classmates would have grown up during the past two years. And perhaps some people were never meant to change.

Two words: Ashley Cera. The most narrow-minded kid in High School History. If you get a dictionary and look up the word 'homophobia' you'll find Ashley's picture in it.

Well, what does this have to do with me? Let me mention I'm bisexual.

I wasn’t one of those über-lesbians who dressed either very sluttily or decided to look like hicks just to attract other lesbians around them like magnets. Actually, I like guys, too. In my school they just tended to be shitheads. The girls then…

Well, the most shit of a thing in Ashley is that she’s as poisonous as she’s beautiful.

She led me into a hell of a mess I’ve been trying to repair the last couple of months. But to find out how it all began and how I ended up in this forsaken place, we have to take it back.

It was Friday the 13^th when I left my very own closet-sized bachelor box the last time. Friday the 13^th used also to be my mamma’s birthday. It’s odd to think it had been almost six months since she passed away. It was a white April day. She had found the keys to the medicine cabinet I had used to hide under the rug when I still was there. The same night I received a call from a dead serious guy who claimed my mamma to be gone. It wasn’t the bullshit. The next day I identified her body. They typed her name on a tag and attached it onto her cold ankle. It was too ironic her name was Joy. It didn’t describe her. She had been depressed for several years.

I had her picture taped onto my mirror, amongst the many photographs and postcards I had of the sky. Mamma had dark eyes and hair, she was tall and a little like me, like the darker side of me, my sorrow. She had given the photo as a housewarming gift to me along with a bottle of non-alcoholic German wine and a poem scrawled in letters of infinite curls: “Liebe ist wie ein Vogel: allzu leicht zu einsperren, allzu schwer zu loslassen.” I had moved to my own home when I turned eighteen. It wasn’t much of a home - I had a mini-fridge (which used to be empty all the time) a bed (which was actually a mattress with books of aviation as ‘legs’) and a toilet (I, too, had to answer natures call once in a while.) I managed, reassuring myself I was a child no more. Yet mamma’s sickness made me crawl up in a dark corner and dwell in a sadness which was like a reflection of hers, as if a little child’s on a stormy night. Since mamma had died I hadn’t cleaned up lately: my school books and expired-deadline-essays lied around and I didn’t show any effort to pick them up. I’d clean up after I came back from school – it wasn’t that far away.

But I was too wrong to think I was ready to leave the nest, flutter into the immense world like a flightless bird. The last memory of home was the broken glass I had used to carve the words on the inside of my left wrist. The door slammed shut, the safety chain chiming in accord with my blood. Love is a bird.

“Hil!”

The voice reminded me of the shrill ring of a bell.

I woke up in the middle of English class when Tessie poked me with her elbow. She was this kind of awkward girl with a weird style who I just happened to hang out with, though I was more of the loner type. She usually focused on class, so it was odd to see her dealing me a slip of paper under the desk – as inconspicuously as ever, of course. Our teacher was a Nazi and didn’t really like slips or anything like that.

“It’s for you.”
She handed me the pink post-it-slip which had been folded over carefully. I lifted it to my eye level and could smell a familiar perfume on it. I instantly knew who had sent it. From that second on my day was ruined. The scent filled my nostrils and dazed my senses, seduced them with a thrill for danger.

meet me @ grls bathroom 16pm. TODAY.

Ashley Cera wanted to play games with me.

I was as thankful as hell she sat in the back of the class with her blonde bimbos. From there she couldn’t see me blush.

The day which should’ve lasted for ever passed suddenly like on wings. The hours were glued together instead of being separate like they used to be. There was something to do with grammar and politics and music. But all I could do was to think of Ashley Cera.

She had been drop-dead-gorgeous since she was a kid. Not like I was hideous or anything, but I couldn’t make out with myself (Mein Gott!) Or as if I wanted to make out with Ashley. As if I could make out with her.

She’d had long, thick auburn hair ever since. Mine was shagged short about the same age as she got her first iPod, which was like at the age of five. My natural hair color was a simple dirty blonde with a tint of gold in the sunlight. My short shag highlighted my pixie-like features, and I was often compared to Emma Watson, with the exception that I was majorly taller than her. I was about the same height as the guys in our school – around two heads taller than women averagely were. Ashley was naturally shorter than me, but her high-heels equalized our difference. Every time I heard the clacking of them I wanted to hide: crawl up in my locker and wait until the rest of eternity. In the end of my last lesson I really don’t remember (reason = A.C.) I was almost about to do it, and I would’ve, unless she had spotted me among the crowd the very second I stepped out of the classroom.

I was so damn conspicuous. I truly wish all the other girls in our school would also have a rainbow-colored scarf, striped leggings and a bridge-piercing. Maybe I could hide behind one of them and Ashley would grab one of my copies instead.

She waited at her place until our sonorous stone corridors started to empty. She waited until the teachers left and smiled and nodded at her as they walked past. She was their pet.

Silence stroke and she shot a deadly smile at me. “Since when did you become so brave, bitch?”

She approached me and grabbed my arm hastily. Hell of a bitch.

The clacking of her heels filled the haunted corridors as we entered the girls’ bathroom. Some random chess club nerd passed by us, sneaking soundlessly into the staircase without batting an eyelid though he could absolutely see my face was full of horror. Ashley had bewitched the whole school. If she’d plant a bomb in the principal’s office the teachers would start hooraying and giving her straight A’s instead of kicking her the hell out. The same thing was with guys: if she dared to steal some unwitting person’s boyfriend, they’d just give her a thumbs-up and smile with constraint. She was playing a game and the school was her playfield. Now I would be her pawn.

With an occult smile, Ashley closed the door behind us. I leered around nervously, noticing the toilets were empty. Gosh, the whole school was empty! I had a seriously bad feeling about this. "Ashley, what are you up to? If this-"

My words were cut short as Ashley came close to me and sealed my lips with her manicured index finger. Noticing my abrupt blush she threw back her head and laughed. Her auburn hair flowed graciously behind her back and in the ugly, yellow light her hazel-tinted eyes appeared almost golden: amber like mine.

"Seriously, why are you doing this?" I stuttered, hoping she didn’t notice the tremble in my voice, because I did. I could see she was up to something from her eyes. Her usual, haughty look had changed into something different, something almost intriguing. I noticed I was staring at myself from the wall-length mirror in front of which Ashley and her bimbo bitches spent most of their days talking bullshit. My brown, patterned jacket, striped scarf and stockings didn't really match Ashley's street whore-garments - not to mention the neon pink combat boots I was wearing. What the hell was I doing there?

"...kay, it's starting to get late and awkward. Tell me what the hell do you want and give me a break."

Instead of answering, Ashley let out a wicked laugh and cornered me against one of the graffiti-painted toilet booths, doing something utterly shocking and random. With a swift movement she had pulled off her minty tube top and bared me her breasts. Almost. The lacy nude bra she was wearing didn't actually cover anything. Unwillingly I could notice my breath had quickened. I couldn't set my eyes off them - though I really shouldn't have been looking. I just kept standing there like a moron until I did something very inconsiderate.

I reached out my hand, willing to grab her top and pull it back on and escort her out of the doors, but I guess she didn't interpret it the same way I did. Swiping my hand away as if she had been the victim, not me, she let out a shrill, noisy scream.

"Fucking lesbian bitch! Go to hell!"

When she slapped me with such force I tumbled down and hit my head on the porcelain toilet seat, I could still hear her suddenly worried voice somewhere, out of my conscience.

"Ohmygosh, ohmygosh. I didn't actually mean to! Hilary, wake up..."